See Ya In The Sunshine State

• Posted on June 1, 2016
• by Jamie Stahl
• in Food Facts
• 2 Comments.

Season’s 52 Boca Raton, Florida

I’m leaving for Florida tomorrow.  I’ll be visiting my grandparents in Boynton Beach for the next few days.  I’m really looking forward to all of the new material I’m going to have to write about because every meal down there is always a giant adventure.  There is no exaggeration here.  I’m quite surprised troops haven’t been sent in yet to diffuse the ongoing hostage crisis that is known as “dinner in Florida.”

I’ll give you a step by step guide to the events that take place.  If you need more detail, you can check out my Vacation Part 1 post from January 2016.

1. We have a reservation for dinner and every family member is aware of the reservation at least 24 hours in advance

2. The morning of the reservation and throughout the day, some family members may or may not ask about the time of the dinner reservation, the time we are leaving, the time we need to be ready, where the exact location is, want to have a discussion about how someone’s friend’s dead-husband used to go to this place when it was a different name in the 1970’s

3. At some point in the afternoon, some family members may or may not begin to vocalize a wide variety of “barriers” that will prevent the family from attending the dinner reservation.  These barriers may or may not include physical ailments, emotional ailments, mental ailments, a combination of two or three, or an argument started between some family members that may or may not have been done on purpose

4. As the reservation time approaches, some family members begin to get ready while other family members are trapped in some kind of invisible quicksand that only they can see.  This invisible quicksand causes for delays in the scheduled departure time.  Some family members may get incredibly offended by the invisible quicksand scenario and march around like a toddler who didn’t get a piece of candy

5. By some miracle, all family members are ready to leave within about 10 to 15 minutes of the original departure time and the family is off to dinner.  Some family members aren’t speaking to each other and some family members think the whole thing is hilarious because it happens over and over again every single night.

6. Upon arriving at the restaurant for dinner, the parking and entering the restaurant festivities commence.  While some family members struggle with this entire concept, some other family members cannot mentally take the frustration and have to walk away from the situation.

7. A similar behavioral pattern occurs once the family members are seated at the reserved table.  Those family members who are at the point of wanting to stab themselves in the eye with a steak-knife, become VERY involved in reading the menu, as to not engage in some of the activities occurring between other family members.

8. As the waiter or waitress approaches, the anxiety level at the table rises.  All family members can feel the stress.  This is the peak moment of the evening, the climax to the story.  It is time to order our meals.

   1. Drinks are ordered.  It goes relatively smoothly, as most family members prefer to have ice water.  Once and a while a juice or a glass of wine in thrown in, but it’s kept rather simple.

   2. Food is ordered, one by one.  Some family members are able to order straight off the menu with ease.  Occasionally, those family members may ask a single question or get the dressing on the side.

   3. Some family members ask multiple questions and end up with the most basic version of a dish on the menu with the various accoutrements all on the side or left out entirely.

   4. Some family members appear to have a relatively easy time with the menu and are able to order, but as other family members continue placing their orders, those family members begin to doubt the menu choice.  This calls for a review of various menu items, a bit of discussion, some confusion and interruption, along with the return of the high stress levels among various family members around the table.

As you can interpret “dinner in Florida” isn’t always super duper fun for “some family members.”  Of course, when I look back the following morning (though maybe that’s too soon of a reflection time), when I look back a week or two later, I laugh at the utter craziness of it all.  These “dinners in Florida” have been happening for decades and as much as in the moment I’d prefer to be waterboarded, I keep going back for the memories.

Keep a look out over the next two weeks for any posts I write regarding my little vacation in Florida.  You might be able to figure out which family member is “some family member” in my description above.  See ya in the sunshine state!

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