I got here Tuesday night and went straight to dinner from the airport. First stop, Village Tavern. One of the greatest places in the world. This restaurant is enormous and all of the tables can fit upwards of 8 people (Maybe 6 people. Sometimes my memories exaggerate details a little bit). Other than a couple of small children sitting in highchairs, I was the youngest person in there by at least twenty-five years. I’d say the primary demographic is between seventy and ninety years of age. How amazing is that? If you want to be entertained by a shitload of old people, and also want to eat really good food, go to Village Tavern.
Speaking of food, the mac ‘n cheese is the ultimate. Like, if it was the last thing I ate before I died, I would die happy. Maybe that’s why it’s so good, because the people are so old and they want them to eat really good mac ‘n cheese as their last meal. That’s a pretty good marketing plan. This mac ‘n cheese is rich and buttery and creamy. The top is layered with tons of melted cheese, so much that you can’t even see the pieces of macaroni pasta underneath it. There is also a nice little sprinkle of breadcrumbs.
Now, let’s move on to dessert. The menu has a huge selection, but when it came down to decision making time, I had to go for the double-decker cheesecake. A regular slice of cheesecake is something like two inches tall right? Okay, so the double-decker is legitimately a double-decker. You get one giant piece of cheesecake that looks like it could be two separate normal sized pieces. The best part is that the cheesecakes are different flavors! Instead of getting ten pounds of regular cheesecake on a plate, you get five pounds of regular cheesecake and five pounds of chocolate cheesecake (keep in mind the weight is approximate and no where near accurate). The plate comes decorated with drizzles of chocolate and raspberry syrup, because why not? I’m going to be completely honest with you right now… I had three bites before I thought the elastic on my leggings was going to snap. But don’t worry! I took it home! And without fail, my dad ate some last night…
I’m going to just rewind for a moment to the post-dessert debacle of 2016. Did my mouth want dessert? Yes. Did my stomach want dessert? No. Did my mouth win? Obviously. My dad ordered a slice of the key-lime pie, but I don’t like that, (no, I’ve never had it, but I don’t like the flavor of lime so I assume I don’t like it, because that’s what A.P.E. does.) so I got my own. After my three bites, my dad was not very happy with me. There was an exchange that sort of went like this:
Dad: “Are you done?”
A.P.E.: “Yes, I’m so full.”
Dad: “Then why did you order that?”
A.P.E.: “Because it sounded really good and I wanted to take pictures of it.”
Dad: “Do you know how much it cost?”
A.P.E.: “No, but I think all the desserts cost the same amount on the menu.”
Dad: (steam coming out of his ears) “So you just ordered dessert that you weren’t going to eat and don’t even care about the price?”
A.P.E.: “Nooo, I wanted to eat it, I just got really full. I also wanted to take pictures. Look at your plate, you didn’t even eat half of that key-lime pie.”
Dad: “That’s not the point.”
Mom: “It’s fine, Jamie, why don’t you take it home.”
A.P.E.: “Okay. I’ll take it home. Dad, I’m going to take it home.”
Dad: (rolls his eyes)
A.P.E.: “What? I’m going to take it home!”
Dad: “And you’re going to eat it?”
A.P.E.: “Yes! It’s really good. I’m just full!”
Grandparents: (coincidentally at the same time) “Jamie, why don’t you take it home?”
A.P.E.: “I am taking it home! I’m waiting for the waitress to come over and I’ll ask for a box.” (rolling my eyes)
(Waitress walks over with a box and a bag for the cheesecake without me even needing to ask and hands my dad the check)
A.P.E.: (to waitress) “Thank you! I was just going to ask for that!”
A.P.E.: (to Dad) “Let me see that check, how much was that cheesecake?”
Dad: “Move your hands.”
A.P.E.: “No, I want to see how much this cheesecake cost so I can pay you back.”
Dad: “With what money?”
A.P.E.: “I have cash in my wallet.”
Dad: “It was $7.50”
A.P.E.: “Oooooo super expensive (being sarcastic). And how much was your key lime pie?”
Dad: (laughing) “$6.50”
A.P.E.: “Wow!” (pulls out wallet) “Do you have change of a twenty?”
Dad: “Jamie, put your money away.”
A.P.E.: “No, I want to pay you for this expensive dessert that I’m taking home.”
Dad: “Fine, I’m including tax and tip so it’s $8.50.”
A.P.E.: “Can I Chase QuickPay you? I’ll do that.” (takes out phone and logs into Chase App)
Dad.: “Oh god you’re annoying (laughs).”
(A.P.E. sends $8.50 through Chase App and shows Mom. Both A.P.E. and Mom hysterically laugh and wait for Dad to get an e-mail…)
I am in Florida. Whoohoo!
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